Daily Mail Exclusive: voting Labour could give you cancer

Published on October 8 2013

(satire?)

Latest research shows that supporting Ed Miliband's party causes acid reflux - increasing risk of the disease

  • Voting for a Labour candidate can force stomach acid into the oesophagus where it makes you die a slow, horrible death
  • The damaged cells as a result of voting Labour are more likely to become cancerous and result in your extremities dropping off
  • People who support Ed Miliband's party are at most risk of having surgery on their testicles
  • Without any anaesthetic

 

People who vote Labour in an election are at greater risk of developing throat and testicular cancer, new research suggests.

Medical experts believe that putting an X next to a Labour candidate's name in an election can force stomach acid into the oesophagus - in turn causing damage which increases the chance of oesophageal cancer.

The researchers, from Glasgow and Strathclyde Universities and Southern General Hospital, believe the risk is greatest in people who are unfortunate enough to live in marginal constituencies with a sitting Labour candidate.

Glasgow University’s institute of cardiovascular and medical sciences, told the Daily Mail:

Voting Labour, especially if you are overweight, puts strain on the valve between the stomach and the gullet. This causes stomach acid to leak upwards into the gullet.
Unlike the stomach, which is designed to withstand this, the gullet is damaged by the acid. This causes heartburn and, in the longer term, oesophageal cancer.
Voting Labour will also make your balls drop off probably.
Can we have our government grant now?

Written by Tom Pride

Published on #Daily Mail, #Tories, #Labour

Comment on this post

bobchewie 08/10/2013

You left out house prices and benefit scroungers and upskirt photos of female celebs

bobchewie 10/10/2013

Just saw this Tom bloody brilliant

http://toys.usvsth3m.com/super-tory-boy/